dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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