New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
