I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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