WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
