If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize