i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
