I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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