Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
