You just made me feel so damn special
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
