I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
