oh god the rape fog is back!
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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