i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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