Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
