using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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