Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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