Are we in a gay sports bar?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
