Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
