Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Don't make out with my wife yet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize