just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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