The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
