I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
