Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
