If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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