I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
