**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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