I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize