Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
