i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize