I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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