pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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