Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
my being single is dangerous.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
