I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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