Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
