So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
