We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
