and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
