I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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