a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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