Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
