just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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