she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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