Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
