She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize