so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
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