Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
