He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
