I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
