He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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