paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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