she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize