420 ftw
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
