please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
