My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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