I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
