his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
