no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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