No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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