I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
