Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Randomize
