here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
