I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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