Buhtt sex?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize