Where is the hickey?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Randomize
