Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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