I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
