so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
