dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize