Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
