New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
