ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
