I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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