New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
