How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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