I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize