My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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