God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
