You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
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