you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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