I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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