I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
