No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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