So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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