Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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