I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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