i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
