I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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