I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
