Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
