one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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