I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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