I feel like abortions should bother me more
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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