Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
