I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
