Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
