youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
