I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I can't turn off my feet"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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