You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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