dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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