The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
