Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
