You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
