Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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